4.7.10

It's hard sometimes, isn't it? To not jump into, "Hey, who's this? .... They're cute....I wonder....if they're single."

Sometimes I wonder if it's instinct for us. We're constantly wondering, aren't we? For me, I'm always wondering, "Is he the one? Is he the guy who God may have for my future?" It's never an active enough thought to make me pursue a guy (that would go against my etiquette), but it's still there.

I come by it honestly, in my defense. God has given me so much love and not enough to share it with. He's given me so much loyalty, consideration and love for a relationship, but no relationship to have.

I'm not complaining at all. I love being single, it's so much fun! I could go on and on about the perks and joys. But you know how it is.

Why is it that we think we'll be suddenly made complete by a relationship? Of course, we don't think it consciously. That would be shallow! So we bury that thought as best as we can by saying phrases about being fine the way we are so that maybe we'll believe them.

But we don't really. We reeeally want a relationship.

Why?

Because we want to know someone will see us the way we are and want to be with us anyway, to accept us.

Especially those of us who have been hurt by relationships before. Because someone else hurt us. They saw who we were and decided not to care; whether we didn't suit their personality or they found someone who suited it better. It hurt us and now we need to find someone who will accept us, to counteract someone else's decision.

But then, were we ever really fulfilled in those relationships anyway? Weren't we afraid they'd leave? Didn't we always have that fear they'd find someone better? And what about when they disappointed us; when they didn't live up to our expectations?

Wasn't it a constant circle of fear, disappointment, or hardship? I'm not at all saying that every relationship is like this or that none can be happy, but there are always little elements like these that occasionally worm their way in, no matter how we try to cover them.

A relationship with Jesus SHOULD be so much more fulfilling. Supposedly, He'll never leave or not live up to expectations; He'll always be a gentleman, always loving. Why is it often so hard to be satisfied? Why can't we simply just fall in love with Jesus? What are your thoughts?